What does being Autistic mean to me?

          First off, what does it mean to be Autistic? Being Autistic means living the disability, autism spectrum disorder, but we call it autism for short. This means living with a disability that wires a person's brain to process things differently than the average neurotypical, despite missing social cues, difficulty in communication skills, and so much more. Even being social awkward as well. However, to me, it means something different. 

       What does being Autistic mean to me? 

 For me means, it means having to live in a world that's hard for me to understand while also dealing with things like sensory issues, social awkwardness, struggling with social cues, sometimes not understanding things, processing things differently, like facial expressions, and a disability that triggers my co-occurring mental illness as well. It means having to learn things differently than others, mostly the hard way, whether it comes to understanding things like social cues, processing information that's out of the norm, struggling with executive dysfunction, or just trying to understand people in general. Like in my case, a dysfunctional family that's immature, and neglectful, both emotionally and in other extended cases, psychically. Even in situations, where I am the most vulnerable. Along with being someone, who thinks outside the box, and has unique views than the typical human-being. Though, don't get me wrong, I'm not a genius, nor do I ever claim to be, but I can be smart in certain areas within my strengths. 

    How do I manage being Autistic when it's disabling?

   I manage it day by day. For my sensory issues, If I hear a loud noise I don't like, for example honeymoon noises, I have to turn on my Xbox and white noise machine to block it out or have earplugs or something when I'm outside inside my room, my house, or outside too. I even mostly I try to wear clothes that make me feel confident and comfortable that don't feel as unbearable since my body is sensitive to certain types of stimuli or find something to accommodate the unbearable feeling before a meltdown ensues. Other than that, I usually try to be aware of my environment to keep myself safe and self-soothe by stimming, whether it's clapping my hands together, patting my legs, or flapping my hands, etc. Within cognitive skills, I usually suck at communicating and being social awkward as well. For example, I struggle to understand certain things, like social cues and sometimes boundaries if doesn't make sense and if it does make sense, then I'll be angry on why no one else is following the same rule(s). How do I handle this, I usually don't know how, but I try my best to not make the mistake again. However, when I don't like the fact that no one else is following a rule that I can understand, it makes me completely angry and not want to live with the people on that planet or want to understand why things are the way they are, even if it is a boundary or something. My brain is just full of common sense and needs logic to understand how things work, or things to make sense, otherwise, I won't understand a damn thing on anything like a person's actions, why I am subjected to a rule or boundary, etctera. I understand that this may look like I am abusive or a narcissist, but I assure that I am not. It's just that, with having a strong sense of justice, another trait of being Autistic, it's hard to do things when no one else is falling in line or doing what the rule say should happen, if that makes any sense. Plus, Autism is a neurodevelopmental disorder and Narcissism is a personality disorder. Though, while Autism may affect my personality in some ways, it's not my whole personality. Autism is a part of me, not all of me. Remember, disability, not inability. However, I manage this, as of now, by talking it through with my therapist. As for social awkwardness, I tend to make things even more awkward, then the situation already is. Like if I accidentally stare a person too long, because of my poor eye contact, then I tend to wave hello to them, hoping it brings the awkwardness down a notch, but from what I hear, it usually does not unfortunately. Except, that's how I try to manage my social awkwardness, despite how unhelpful it becomes.  

   As an Autistic, What's your opinion on things like Asperger's syndrome or functioning labels? 

    That depends on what topic you ask me about. If you had asked me before I learned about people making up lies about Autism, some people faking being Autistic for clout, etc., I would have told you that I didn't like it and that while I wasn't a fan of the functioning labels, but it was okay if someone did use them. However, now, some things have changed, at least some, not all. When it comes to the topic of Asperger's syndrome, my opinion is that Asperger's syndrome is a form of Autism, considering how similar they are. As for functioning labels, the answer is still the same. I am okay with them, but I only use them to describe what "area" or "level" I am on or at, I guess. However, no matter the label, I am able to do things that are fantasizing, whether it's because of my disabled brain or not. So, I don't let it define me ever, in fact, when I was a little girl, I use to think that being given the label, High-Functioning Autism, it wasn't an insult, but a way of saying that my Autism is so high that you can't tell that I am disabled since I seem so normal to the average neurotypical, until it comes to social situations, then it's a different story. If you catch my meaning. 

 

      How do you feel about the organization, Autism Speaks? 

 For those of you, who do not know, Autism Speaks is an organization that spreads harmful information about Autism, myths about the people with the disability, along with so much more. Due to these things, I do not like Autism Speaks since it has done nothing, but create harm to Autistic people and their families, by spreading harmful propaganda about Autistic traits and how they affect us. So, trust me when I say, Autism Speaks does not speak for me. However, as of now, I don't like the Autistic Self-Advocacy Network, either. While I appreciate that they are run by Autistic people themselves, I do not agree with their values on being left leaning, since I am a conservative Libertarian that doesn't like the sexualization, mutilation, or sterilization of children, who are perfect the way they are. Autistic or not. Now, I realize that it is getting better and it is not all bad anymore, but I still don't necessarily trust either, you know? However, that's just me though.  

What about your opinion on what the Autism Spectrum really looks like? 

     Well, this is one, as controversial as it is and with research still going under way, I think that the Autism Spectrum is non-linear. As to what shape, I'm not sure, though after much discussion on the thoughts about what the spectrum looks like with an Autistic friend, whose special interest is science, gave me insight into what it might actually be. I still think that the Autism spectrum is non-linear, but actually kind of a pie chart. 

Here is a picture of the chart: 

      

  Now, of course, they're maybe more than what the categories are, with the accurate description in the DSM-5, this fits as perfectly as it can. 

What are your thoughts on the Autistic Advocates or the importance that impacted the pave way for the diagnosis or the people with it, whether in the past or of today's era?  

     Honestly, I am going to say this. Autism, as a diagnosis, has come a long way into some sort of understanding. From Leo Kanner's journal called The Nervous Child to Hans Aspergers' observations on the Autism or the people, who have the disability, to Temple Grandin's advocacy in the media, it has come so far from where it started. Though, while knowing the terrible pain and the healing growth of the understanding of my disability has led to me to at least be able to be grateful of how things are with myself, despite the unkindness that the world sometimes gives without thoughtful consideration. Something every human has to live with, Autistic or not. 

    Is there anything else you want people to know about Autism? 

  Yes. Many. First, The Autism Spectrum can have comorbidities like Anxiety, Depression, etc. Second, there are also two extreme sides of the circle, stereotypical or non-stereotypical, along with the fact there are also mixed experiences for everyone diagnosed with the disability. And lastly, with these experiences, when we, Autistics, say that when a person meets one Autistic person, we mean that they have met one specific kind of Autistic person. No two Autistic people are the same, yes, even if they have similar traits, because both people could have different experiences within experiencing that same trait(s).

    And that's it! Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed this post! Follow, Comment, and Share for more! Bye lovelies, see you all in the next post!