Valentine's day! One of many things some couples get all excited about when February comes around! However, Valentine's Day doesn't have to be for couples! It can be for anyone you value and love with your whole heart, whether it is friends, family (Chosen or not), etc. Though, many don't see the Autistic side of relationships and how Autistic people show love in their own way. How do I know? Well, from my own experiences, of course! Though, there are many things to discuss when it comes to this topic on the Autistic perspective! One of these things is about the myths and debates around how Autistic people work. So, in this post, I will be addressing some myths below in honor of today!
Is it true that Autistic people don't want friends?
That is absolutely false! We may spend some time alone a lot, but we DESPERATELY want to make friends. It's just that we have a hard time making them, because of our disabled brains like not understanding social cues, having a hard time with social skills or communication too, or being socially awkward, etc.
Is it true that Autistic people can't have romantic relationships?
No, this is also false. Again, it's not that we can't or don't, we just have a hard time socially, even if doesn't look like it all. In fact, some of us are also Gay, Lesbian, Bi, etc. Although, personally, I would rather make a new friend, then be in another romantic relationship. I don't even want to have intercourse with another person, because I don't want to be touched in that way.
Which brings me to the next myth to address, is true that Autistic adults don't want to engage in intercourse? or want to be touched at all?
Some do, some do not. It all depends on the person. Some of us are Asexual like me, who don't have that intercourse craving like the rest of the world while some are do want to engage in it. Though, personally, as I said, I am Asexual and do not really want to engage in it. As for being touched, please ask the person before doing so, if you forget, it's okay, just remember to ask next time.
Is it true that Autistic people don't have a sense of humor?
It's not that we don't, we just have a different sense of humor like everyone else, Autistic or not. Sometimes, we don't get your humor either or sometimes it's not funny to us, you know?
Is it true that Autistic people struggle with empathy?
So, I won't lie to you. This is one of the many things that is debated about within the subject of Autism and the people who have it, because every Autistic is different on the spectrum and the disability is on a spectrum, so there is no one-size-fits-all box, if you catch my drift! However, there are two sides that argue that Autistic people have a lot of empathy, almost to the point, where it's too much versus the side that argues that yes, indeed, Autistic do lack empathy. Although, for me, I wouldn't say the lack empathy per say, now maybe some do, but not all. In my opinion, and what I will tell you is that Autistic people can be both either lack empathy, struggle with empathy, have some empathy, or have an overwhelming amount of empathy that they don't what to do with that social burnout can come easy to them. All of this, as to what I think, can coexist at the same time in different Autistics in many different ways, it all depends on the person's personality, trauma, other possible diagnosis and how their Autism contributes to that. I mean we, meaning everyone that works with Autistics like medical professionals, aids (Teacher or Nursing), etc., families, friends, along all of my fellow Autistics, who argue about this, have to remember Autism is a spectrum and one theory cannot fit all Autistic people, no matter who. Plus, we all need to remember the saying we preach all the time, if you met one Autistic person, you have met one Autistic person (meaning one type, for those of you who don't know about Autism).
One example is my own experience, I struggle with empathy, but I don't lack it at all. What happens is that when I read, hear, or experience something that requires having empathy for is a middle or gray area, if you will, the first thing my brain goes to is the battle of all or nothing thinking, or what some would call black and white thinking or rigid, etc., trait and from there, I'm in a no prevail battle between my two thoughts, the empathetic thought and the judgmental/harsh thought or sometimes it's about two emotions I'm having at the same time like right now. Due to my inability to let go of the bad organizational experience I had, my mind fights a battle in-between itself with both anger towards the executive director and the guilt I have about my mistakes. You see, I want to be empathetic to myself and move on, but the guilt inside my brain allows me to deflect onto anger towards him, the director, because I'm also still hurt too on what he did. Plus, I also have a strong sense of justice that also makes it hard to empathize that contributes to this as well.
Another example is from what I know about someone of my friends and other Autistics. On social media, many Autistics talked about having huge amounts of empathy, whether it's true or not, while some, especially from what I notice, have expressed the opposite.
Is it true that Autistic people have a different love language?
Well, while I don't know about a different love language, I do know that Autistic people do have a unique way of loving people they care about. One type Autistics might do is when they find something that they know you love, they will share it with you, no matter what it is!
Is it true that Autistic people can't feel emotions? Are they even affectionate?
No, that is false, especially from what I just talked about from the last question, we are definitely affectionate and full of emotion, we just express it in different ways and much more deeply than the average person. In fact, we sometimes tend to be very passionate as well or at least I know that I am very passionate in loving those that I love.
Is it true that Autistic people are violent? Are they dangerous?
Some can be, some are, and some are not. Though, if we are, it can mostly be, because we feel things, as mentioned, so deeply and may not know how to healthy regulate or have a hard time regulating our emotions very well, no matter what it is or there is something else. Although, there are some wild cases that showcase some Autistic people being cruel or dangerous to others, like the Parkland shooter, who was Autistic and had psychopathic behaviors as well, according to what I have heard. Although, on the other hand, some Autistic people are even cruel or dangerous to other Autistic people. I have had that experience as part of my three traumatic experiences, along with one of my friends as well. However, despite this, most of us actually try to regulate our emotions the best we can.
So, as you can see these myths about Autism and relationships are not as true as they seem, maybe in some cases, but not all of them. We, as Autistics, as unique as we are, most of the time really are trying our best in a world that barely understands, even though they are trying.
Anyways, thank you for reading & comment and share for more! Thank you and see you next time!
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