Christianity, one of the longest religious beliefs since the dawn of time like A.D. (Anno Domini) and B.C. (Before Christ). Though, the journey to God is a hard one for any Christian, but it's especially harder for someone with a disability like Autism or something else as well. However, after many experiences within finding the true way to God, I am now finally in the light of his truth. Now, how did I get there? Well, let me tell you!
Child
What was your first experience in Christianity?
My first experience with Christianity is when I went to church with my family. Our first church was with a non-denominational church that worshiped God. For those who don't know, non-denominational means that these are people, who worship Christ, but do not belong to a certain denomination with Christianity, like Mormon, Jehovah Witnesses, Baptist, Lutherans, etc. Anyways, back to my first experience, within this experience, it seemed as if they were loose on things and were just worshiping just to worship, no God in that plan at all. Nothing about God was being said at all, at least that's what my mother claims. All I remember was blowing bubbles at a young age, missing my mother, almost sipping the soap, and lots of coloring. Along with drawing on one side of the paper, only to be scolded about it, watching everyone play games and even listening to Veggie Tales, etc.
What were your beliefs back then?
To be honest, all I knew was that something was real and possibly God himself. Though, by the time we left that church and entered another local church, due to personal reasons, I would stay with my mother, because separation anxiety, but would usually lay down and nap during sermon. However, I was always curious about who the pastor was talking about when he talked about God talking to Jesus about the cross, I just didn't know it was Jesus yet.
Teenager
What were your Christian experiences as a teenager?
Well, after a while, my mother and I stopped going to church for a while, and things began to be traumatic for me as a middle schooler and high school student as well. Although, things changed during my, I believe, my junior year near Thanksgiving Day, where I confessed Jesus, as my lord and savior.
How did it all start?
Well, with some family traumatic things going on, as junior year stumbled through, I ended up joining the H.E.R.O. club (a disability support group run by a disabled sophomore), both to be in the club and help out with the co-president stuff as well. Though, once I joined, I ended up becoming friends with the president and her twin sister, who brought me to church when I first had a sleepover at their house. Due to this, I think I kind of wanted to go more or my mother suggested wanting to go more at the time, plus one of my aunts, step uncle, and my favorite cousin also went as well! So, another visit, I listened to the sermon while sitting with my friends, the twins. However, with fear stricken in my heart about God being mad at me, I thought about accepting Jesus as my lord and savior, to which after some thought and a small talk with my mother, I accepted him as my savior and told my pastor at the next worship session. After confessing that I truly went on my journey with God. However, I was scared and shock at how much my life has changed considering how while traumatic things were still happening, God changed a lot like changing my mother from an alcoholic to a sober person all while I became a little more curious into reading the bible as well.
However, one painful event changed my view on things and would kind of lead to where I am at today! You see, it was after the time that my mother had become sober a little more and the relationship between us had been strained, but we were working on it. Plus, I had been having sleepovers at my cousin Brandon's a lot more, even though they would end up in conversations about Christianity, because I would always get sucked into a conversation about it with my Step-uncle and Aunt Nicole, leaving my cousin alone for a bit. Although, it was too long of a moment that I'll admit to leaving him alone for and that was rude of me. Yet, after many visits like this, one of these conversations went way too far. What do I mean by that? Well, one time when I got sucked into another conversation about God, my step-uncle told me that my sibling's name change was wrong and I needed to not acknowledge my sibling's existence by calling them, "Hey you!" and I couldn't say that they were the ones that said this. So, basically in terms, they were trying to use me as pawn of control for their views and using God against me. Although, this didn't deter me away from him since, as scared as I was, decided that I wouldn't be as traditional, but still be religious and devout to God while also not as Evangelist of a Christian at all, especially when it came to issues like LGBT, considering the name change had to deal with being Trans and it being a trauma trigger. At the time, I just wanted to support my sibling when no one else seemed to, leading me into a codependency with my sibling based on the trauma I went through with my mother's alcoholism and what I witnessed. However, now that my sibling is older and not as nice of a person, takes no accountability, etc., I have learned to stop being codependent on my sibling and learn to be my own person. Which has led me to form my own opinion to say this, I am not okay with minors transitioning medically, but if they want to dress non-traditionally like as a tomboy or a fem-boy, change their name, etc., I am open to that. Also, if someone is a lesbian, gay, bi, asexual, or Arosexual, or something that is real, then I am more than open to that as well, as along as the person is not doing anything wrong with their sexuality.
Although, with that shaping my own path to true Christianity, there was more than that event, but wouldn't be until I became a full adult, where I really found the truth about God.
Adult
What are your adult experiences?
As an adult, my experiences in Christianity, where somewhat normal as they can be, but I always more afraid of God, not sure if God liked me, because of my Disability, whether it was sin, etc. However, that would all change once I found an account that would rock my world. That account would be an Instagram that taught me about God's grace and to put the bible into context, it would even give me new direction as well.
Although, in that same breath, I challenged my Aunt Nicole's authority when it came to her parenting (she basically was guilt-tripping him into a haircut while giving him a 'choice' as she claims). Though, I admit when challenging her authority, that there was one moment that I went too far with it and caused her to leave in tears, like I did when I went home after being told not to acknowledge my sibling's existence over a name change. Due to this, my mother and I didn't go to church anymore since we didn't want the church in our business (I mean this church wasn't the nicest or friendliest, even the twins gossiped behind my back, etc.). Which had been fine with me, considering all that I now have learned with the account I have learned. It basically became my church at this point and all to where I am today!
Conclusion
So, after everything, what are your beliefs in Christianity and what type of Christian, are you? Does it matter?
Thinking about everything that I have went through in my journey with God to where I am today, I have learned a lot. However, my main belief is this. If you have a bible and read the verse John 3:18, It will reflect I remain in God, but in a different way.
"Those who believeth in himself shall not be condemned, but those who do not believeth in him shall remain condemned."
- John 3:18
Why this verse? Because it helps to know the truth about God that he died for my sins, present, past, and even my future ones that I have no clue about. This means that God is not angry at me, and he made me perfectly just the way I am, Autistic, including my anxiety, and all. Along with the fact that, I do not need to practice the Old Testaments commandments, because I am not Jewish. I am a Gentile. I don't have any Jewish blood in me that I know of, nor I practice the rituals either. Besides, God, as it says in the Bible, He looks at the heart not the behaviors, knowing this I can fully know that God will never be mad at me, nor will he ever leave over any sin at all, as it also says in the Bible. He is a loving and caring God, who loves anyone know matter what, including me. He too, knows, the hardship of this world, he got angry, upset, and knew that the Pharisees were evil and that a lot of things taught in the American church are error unless they actually tell the truth about Jesus and who he is. For his sacrifice is a big deal, and we should make it so. No, I'm not a universalist either, because not everyone will be going to Heaven, but if you believe in him once in your lifetime by Grace, Heaven is your guaranteed home! No matter who you are and that's what I belief. God is my lord and savior for all eternity, forevermore!
And that's it, my Lovelies! I hope you enjoyed this post and Comment & Share for more! Thank you and have a great day!
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