In this day and age, many people have heard infamous phrases used in the Mental Health industry, mostly from therapy and unfortunately, Tik Tok, where people can spread misinformation and claim it to be true, something I mentioned about in my last post, especially towards people with mental illness(es) and those with trauma. However, throughout my process of discovery of leaving the Left and discovering my true political party, after realizing the truth about the Democratic party. I have been learning the actual truth about healing, especially as a woman, whose interested in becoming a Licensed Mental Health Counselor for her non-profit, I have learned a lot about certain phrases and how they aren't as helpful as anyone thinks they are and are not true psychology. One that I won't use based on my past. So, without further ado, here are three mental phrases that I will not be using as a future therapist.
- Your feelings are valid.
Now, there are two reasons why I will not be using this one. One reason is, because it doesn't allow you to actually evaluate your feelings, like actually question where this feeling is coming from or allowing any time to sit your feelings at all. Besides, why are we judging feelings at all? Feelings are neither invalid or valid, they just are and often are irrational. Which is true, because I have noticed, especially with Autism as well, my feelings are often irrational and usually tend to exaggerate the situation more than it really is, leading myself to act in impulsivity without thinking. Which, if I didn't allow myself to question myself on what I was feeling and what I needed or why I was feeling this way, I would just react on impulsive and let my emotions control me. I mean seriously, if feelings are always valid, then there is no point to evaluate them to see why are you are feeling this or question why this feeling coming up. This is not to say that they are real or not, no, feelings are very much real, however, I have learned that I can feel whatever I want, but using them as cudgels is not the answer at all, it's the point that you are judging your feelings without any proper evaluation based on the 5 questions of what, why, when, where, and how, then validating ourselves, so we don't depend on others for it. This is what people talk about when they say control your emotions. My second reason, after thinking about the question, to be honest, it doesn't answer the question at all. Think about it, when someone asks, "Am I crazy for feeling this?", then you answer with "No, your feelings are valid," as if judging feelings was the answer at all. It doesn't make sense. What I will do instead
If a client or friend asks me if their feelings are real, or if they are crazy, I will validate them by saying, "No, you are not crazy at all. Your feelings are normal.", because God created us with feelings as indicators for a response to something, but often irrationally. Not always, but usually so.
2. Your Trauma is valid.
Here is the thing with us. It's important to note two things, one, not every painful event is traumatic, but can impact us in future; that's a normal human experience. Along with the second thing, that not everyone has trauma either. What qualifies an event as traumatic is if you are showing some trauma symptoms of based on the criteria of PTSD, qualify under the criteria of PTSD, based on the DSM-5 and the DSM-5-TR, or C-PTSD, short for Complex PTSD, based on the ICD-11 criteria or any other trauma and stress-related disorders like Adjustment disorder or R.A.D, etc. Having PTSD and C-PTSD or trauma symptoms is basically living with a disability or some symptoms of it without qualifying for the diagnoses themselves. Which, based on the circumstances of the situation, may lead to disorders, one, called Other-Specified Trauma or Stress-related disorder, where you don't qualify for the trauma and stress-related disorders in DSM-5 or DSM-5-TR, but have significant Post-Traumatic stress based on the criteria for PTSD or, another, called Unspecified Trauma or Stress-related disorder, where you have some trauma symptoms, but they that don't qualify under the criteria of any of the Trauma and Stress-related disorders listed in the DSM-5 or DSM-5-TR. If you don't qualify for PTSD, C-PTSD, another trauma and stress-related disorders listed in the DSM-5, or have any trauma symptoms at all, then, I hate to break it to you, you don't have trauma, your past is just affecting you normally. Though, good news is you can still go to therapy and work on things like emotional regulation and processing the pain coming from what you went through.
What I will do instead
Instead of saying, "Your trauma is valid,", I will respond to any person, who asks about the validity of what they are calling trauma with, "what you went through is real," and evaluate for any trauma symptoms while talking with my friend or future client.
3. Be Present in the Moment or Be in the moment.
I can not begin to express my annoyance for this one and why I don't think any sense at all. I understand that the statement behind is not worry so much, but to be honest, it sounds a lot more like Toxic positivity than anything. I mean think about it, just the tone and the way a person will this to you. It sounds like they just want to stop worrying, because it's uncomfortable or may be gaslighting you to get you stop worry. Now, these people, of course, sound well and may want the best for you, however, it doesn't sound like when used. In fact, people can also and have used this in a gaslighty and manipulative manner, based on my past experience, where the Executive Director of a local woke organization used this to get me to possibly direct me anyway from his behavior and avoid the conversation possibly to emotionally rip me off. I know this, when a video that explained by a lady on a channel called Crappy Childhood Fairy, who seems to have been through this experience before possibly, which you can watch it right here., where this phrase comes from a thing called New-Age concepts, is apart of one of the gaslighting phrases that she mentions in the video was the phrase, you guessed it, "Be in the moment", being used to manipulate people, which help me realized what may have happened with the executive director with the local non-profit situation. This dark side of the phrase is never talked about, at least from what I have seen, because of how much it is used as Mental health advice for those with anxiety and possibly other diagnoses as well. Yet, in my experience with the executive director, I know for sure, it was used to get me to along with his control over me and to make me look crazy, instead of seeing or talking about his behavior, based on the gut feelings I would have when thinking about it at the time.
What I will do instead
Instead of using this phrase, I will avoid saying this and try to understand the worry my friend or a future client may be having.
and Last, but not least,
4. Your truth, my truth.
I am just going to say this out loud. This phrase is complete bullshit. There is only one absolute truth. There is no two truths unless it is a tricky or complex situation. Listen, yes, there are people's experiences of someone or their side of the story based on feelings, what they saw, etc, which is all real, for sure. However, why does that person's experience define the whole situation when it's not abuse, discrimination, etc., especially when the person talking "their truth" it, most of the time, comes up as a lie and something not accurate, but they say it is true, based on "experiences" when it's really just feelings that they don't actually experience, they just want to not question their lie and walk on eggshells around them? Am I suppose to lie to them? I thought the purpose of healthcare was do no harm? And as someone with actual morals, lying is wrong, despite intentions. I mean seriously, why can't it just be that the actual truth is someone got abused and the truth about that victim is that they are kind, smart, and sweet, when it is actually true. Not when someone is lying and believes in their lie so much that they shaped their environment to create an "experience" when in reality, that's not true. However, apparently, according to the Mental Health industry, you are condemned and labeled "unsafe" and the actual only truth of the situation is "unsafe" when there is no such thing at all. How stupid has the industry become? I mean what is a narcissist, who wants to avoid being guilty for what they done, but you tell them "that's not truth," only to be met with a loud screech of "That's my truth", then lie and say, "yeah, that's valid," when that's not the truth at all, and if I don't, I lose both my license and job? That sounds like coercion to me and instilling cognitive distortions to me! I mean seriously, what kind of fuckery is going on in the Mental Health industry are we just validating narcissists now? No wonder my generation is the way they are and Gen. Alpha too. Do you see why I don't want to use this? Besides, while the phrase does not say this at all, it basically implies that the person that the other person has a "truth" that you do not want to acknowledge, when we know that is not true when it comes to assault, abuse, etc.
What I will do instead
What I will do instead is also avoid this stupid concept and try to understand the situation by looking at the truth and validating any feelings that come up about it. I mean their experience is still real, even if in their situation isn't always the whole truth.
And that's it, Lovelies! Now, my lovelies, a lot of this opinion and I hope you enjoyed this! If you want more posts in the future about topics like this, share, follow my page, and comment for more! With that said, Bye! See ya in the next post!
Works Cited
- Crappy Childhood Fairy. (2023, Oct. 9th). Beware of People Who Use These New-Age Concepts to Manipulate You. [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8M6W-xRL3ss.
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